Archive for September, 2012

September 11, 2012

How to Ruin Your Life in 15 Easy Steps

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Much like the great depression, this year seems to have brought about lots of depressed, hopeless, and poor people. Even after losing their jobs, health, and all sense of stability, those lucky losers managed to gain the sympathy of America, government assistance and tons of time to wallow in their pathetic lives.

Want to reap the many benefits of ruining your life too, follow these easy steps and you’ll soon hit your rock bottom…

1. Sell yourself short.

What’s the point in valuing yourself if you are going to get paid less than you are worth anyway? And why bother challenging yourself if you are probably going to fail. Face it –  even if you do try to reach your “full potential” you aren’t going to get paid for it. If you are content with your current level of mediocrity, there’s no need for you to not jump at every chance to make less than minimum wage.

2. Listen to the naysayers.

They’re the ones who have seen and done it all before. They are wiser, richer, and smarter than you and they still had to give up on their dreams. So naturally you should listen to them when they tell you you’re dreams are impossible. After all, they’ve got years of experience to back up their negativity. They know what they’re talking about. You’d be a fool not to listen.

3. Don’t take risks

There’s is a chance you will fail. That’s the thing about risks. The smart thing for you to do is to not to take chances. This way you guarantee that nothing will happen to you. Ever.

4. Listen to the statistics

Sure those depressing statistics are always about other people, but it’s a good indicator of what’s going to happen to you. Why should you expect to start a successful business if 50 percent of them always fail within the first year? With so many records of failure, it’s obvious that’s going to happen to you someday. Numbers don’t lie.

5. Follow the crowd

There’s a reason why loads of people are all doing the same thing. It’s because it’s the right thing to do. Think about it. If it’s a dumb thing to do why would so many people be engaging in it. It’s time to join the herd and follow suit. If you don’t know what to do follow the way of the crowd. They won’t steer your wrong.

6. Quit after the first attempt

If it doesn’t work out the first time what makes you think it will work on the second, third or fourth attempts. Nothing is going to change and you’ll only continue to get negative results. The best thing for you to do is to quit while you’re ahead.

7. Live in the past

There’s nothing better than reliving the best moments of yesteryear on a recurring basis. There’s no point in striving for the best if it’s probably going to just fall flat of what you’ve already done. The best days of your life are already behind you. Live it over and over again.

8. Resist change.

You know how the saying goes: If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. There’s no need to waste time improving aspects of your life if you are already content with the way things are. You don’t have to change just because the world around you does. Stay the same. Change and progress are overrated.

9. Do only what is required of you.

Don’t bother going above and beyond the call of duty. After all, you aren’t getting paid for it. Your hard work isn’t going to get recognized and you’re probably just going to be taken advantage. So go ahead and just do the bare minimum. People probably aren’t paying attention to you anyway.

10. Have a sense of entitlement

You’ve got a college degree, six years of management experience and awards behind your name. Of course, you deserve to get a six figure salary at the new company even though you’ve never worked in the industry before. They’d be fooling themselves if they think you don’t deserve at least $100,000 to start. You need to refer those human resources professionals to your resume again.

11. Only chase the money

Who needs a life of meaning, happiness, and fulfillment when you are filthy rich? Sure you feel your life is void of purpose and you have no companion, but it’s ok because Lincoln, Benjamin, and Jackson have become like family to you. Luckily, that’s all the family you need.

12. Wait for things to happen to you

Patience is a virtue. There’s no sense in going out and making things happen. Things will come to you in due time. So rather than tiring yourself out by being proactive, you should probably try doing nothing. Good things come to those who wait.

13. Bite the hand that feeds you

The only way to get anywhere in life is to step on the hands that helped you rise above your obstacles. Don’t feel bad. If they were smart they would have tried to help themselves instead of helping you succeed. It’s every man for himself these days. You never asked for those handouts, so they shouldn’t expect anything in return.

14. Ignore the opportunities

After all, they are almost always too good be true. You’re better off questioning everything and being skeptical of all seemingly good things that come your way.

15. Ignore all your mistakes

Whoever said you can learn from your mistakes was seriously mistaken. After all, you’re just going to continuing making new ones as long as you live. So don’t even bother owning up to the mistakes you’ve already made. You are only bound to repeat them.

All jokes aside, your life is truly what you make it. I’ve learned that negativity only brings more negativity. As children, we’re taught that nothing is impossible. The key is to remember that as adults. Happiness is a choice. Even a few bad choices won’t make your life a terrible one unless you decide to.

What steps have you taken towards ruining your life lately? 

TERRIfic Quip: If you want to see a miracle, be the miracle.

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September 4, 2012

Life isn’t Fair… So Why isn’t it?

You don’t have to be a wise old sage to know that life isn’t fair. Unfortunately, it probably never will be. How many times have you

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been passed up for that academic scholarship you know you deserve when the dean’s daughter always gets it? Or how often can you recall always having to clean the dishes after your youngest sibling made the mess. Yet he got to watch cartoons all day while you were slaving away. Or what about last week when the police officer clearly racially profiled you and pulled you over because you just so happened to to match the description of the person who stole a car last week? The list goes on and on.

Being the optimistic person that I am, I would love to say that these “injustices” will end someday and life will soon be fair for all. But I have to face the fact that it probably won’t. I’ve sat there and pondered why we all can’t have the lives we’ve hoped for. I’ve pondered the reasons why the person who follows all the rules and works hard just can’t catch a break. And I’ve tried to make sense of the reasons why all my prayers don’t come true. Then it dawned on me. Maybe life isn’t fair because it’s for the best. Perhaps, it’s because we’re destined for something better.

Remember that post where I mentioned I didn’t get that raise I knew I deserved and how unfair the entire situation was? Well, I didn’t realize it then but not getting that raise was the best thing that ever happened to me. Of course, my heart was broken after all the hard work, preparations and prayers I put into work performance so I can earn the raise. I was driving around a beat up 97 Ford Escort, and had student loan bills I couldn’t afford just piling up. If there was ever a moment I felt life wasn’t fair that was it. But it took that realization of an unfair moment for me to do something about the situation.

I was struggling financially and mentally with little hope for growth and improvement for a position I only liked. I thought, if I was going to struggle I might as well be struggling for something I loved. And that’s when I took the biggest risk of my life by quitting my job and embarking on my journey to freelance writing bliss. It was time for me to take control of my own salary, my own mental health, and my professional growth. Taking that risk was one of the best things I have ever done and I owe it all to an unfair life and lack of a raise. I’ve learned that life isn’t supposed to be fair. Sometimes we need those unfair moments to motivate us. Sometimes we need those unfair moments to realize that we are settling or that we are destined for something better. Or sometimes those unfair moments are there to teach us that we should be happy with what we already have. Whatever the reason, I am happy life isn’t always fair and that I don’t get everything I ask for.

Aren’t you happy you don’t always get what you want? Is there an unfair moment that ended up being rather helpful? 

TERRIfic Quip: Everything is cracked. That’s how the light gets in.